I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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