just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
