Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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