We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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