You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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