I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
