I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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