Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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