I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
