i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize