well I can't set my house on fire every night
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
