JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
