Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
