I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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