Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who died my cat blue again?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i think i just naturally attract stoners
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
