this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
