And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
