I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
