come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
