I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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