I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
