mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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