He uses pillows to masturbate.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
