our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize