You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
