I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
