If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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