He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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