it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
