I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
