Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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