He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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