Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Shame - the story of my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
