This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
