i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
