To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
