I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
