Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
