They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
