I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
