Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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