dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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