i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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