my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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