i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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