We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
