you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
