so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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