$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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