I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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