Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
