This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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