wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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