You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
