he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
