You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
