Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
