exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize