I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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