Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
