i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
