Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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