I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
