We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
me + whiskey = a bad person
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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