I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
