so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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