I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
